Navigating The Deceptive Workplace

When Your Boss Lies

Discovering that your boss is a liar is a shocking and unsettling experience.  It should be.  Sadly, today it’s all too common.  If you’re here because you’re under one of these despicable tyrants, I am sorry.   You likely already know working with or for a “deplorable sack” is a miserable way to spend your waking hours.  Honesty, there’s something about it.  Even if what you hear is not good, hard or uncomfortable there’s a part of honesty that rings in our soul.  Lies, even so called “white lies” torpedo trust.  And create an all-around mess.  But you don’t me to tell you… 

What I’m going to share are some real ways/ideas that might “help”.  I say “help” because there is no fixing lying.  Don’t let anyone tell otherwise, they’d be lying.  That is, without putting it or the person/culture to an end.  Go back, read that again.  If you’re in a workplace where lies or the tolerance of lies have become part of the culture, there is no easy fix.  How we all wish there were.  What might the next steps for you really look like?  A change of jobs, roles, positions or even companies.  It could mean you have to wait out a boss change or other long-term adjustment.  Know this, there is no fix for lying, only an end to the practice and culture.

Some steps that “might” help.  Three things overall:

# 1 How Bad is It?

I don’t want to sound dumb or make light of your situation but before we “jump off the deep end” double check YOU.  I’m not saying you are but be sure you’re NOT – overreacting.  Have you maybe misunderstood?  Could this all be “corporate double speak”?  Could someone be kidding or for some reason are things just not nearly as bad as they seem right now.  We live in a world where we in large part have forgotten (or never learned) how to talk to one another.  Could this all be a misunderstanding?  The goal of this process is to be sure you’re thinking clearly.  To keep emotions in check.  So, we can move forward with a definitive and positive plan.

#2 How Deep Does Deception Run?

Are you in a “cult of personality” and deception starts at the top and runs right on through?  Is the issue just with your boss or their boss?  You may not have all these answers exactly.  That’s okay, think about it.  Is there one “bad apple” or has the tree gone rotten?  Maybe just a rouge group.  To the best you’re able try to settle this in your mind.  Just how deep has rot run?

#3 Be Sure You’re not Part of the Problem

I hear you screaming!  You’re the victim or at the very least you feel like it.  Look in the mirror make sure you have not either by omission or commission become a part of the problem.  Stockholm syndrome makes for a slippery slope.  Don’t let you fool you. 

Based on where you are and the above here are some actions you can take.

# 1 Write a Book

I get it, right about now you’re asking yourself “why do I read this dumbass blog?”  Here’s why, you’re going to write “your book” based on the notes you take from all that happens at work daily.   Go, get a spiral 5 subject binder and start at the front, today’s date and make notes as the day goes on.  The notes are for “your book”.  Tomorrow start a new page.  Do the same every day.  Yes, this is/can be a PIA.  But if you ever really do write your book, you’ll be glad you have these notes.  Pls when the lies are eventually outed, and they will be.  You’ll have you’re notes for a clear recollection.  Others will be spinning webs and telling all kinds of stories to cover their tracks.  “What a web we weave when it is we seek to deceive…”.  Your good notes will set you apart.  Be sure in your notes you point out (to yourself in your notes) the instances of dishonesty.  Be as detailed as you can (but don’t make yourself nuts).  Your notes, your book should be both a written record of “goings on” and bit of therapy for you. 

#2 Protect Your Mental Health

Do not let dealing with this “dishonest, two bit, street corner trash, good for nothing” rob you of your personal joy.  I know easier said than done.  But they are the robbers here, not you. 

                  Set Boundaries

Limit your interactions to work-related matters and avoid personal conversations. If you must communicate with them, be direct and concise.  Practice self-care techniques such as meditation, yoga, or spending time in nature.  Your mental health is no joke.  It’s your responsibility to protect it.   

Stay Calm and Professional

OMG… Stay in control.  Just because they’re nuts doesn’t mean you need to be.  Calm professional, avoid engaging in arguments or confrontations, de-escalate whenever possible.

#3 Talk to HR (EXTREM CAUTION)

If your company has an HR department you may find some help here.  You may also, and I would argue more likely, find a shovel to dig your own grave.  This is no “shot” at the HR pros that read me.  I know you’re all good, caring people.  You’d do all you could.  That however, doesn’t mitigate the risk.  Going to HR can go either way.  Unless you have your case wrapped up tight and you’re ready to present it like you’re “the new: F. Lee Baily going to HR is akin to having lunch on the executioners chopping block.  Today might not be your day, but the risk is real.  You’re likely to have the tables turned on you.  Sure, HR is there, but the boss is too and still the boss.  HR works both ways.  (EXTREM CAUTION)

#3a Seek Support from Colleagues

This is the idea of “strength in numbers”.  The numbers will do you no good if you are the one who gets “canned”.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking “if all five of us go in and…”.  You may all find your way to the door.  A wise friend, a more experienced, trusted co-worker – maybe look to them for some direction or guidance.  Even this, go carefully.  In the face of a superior liar there is no safety in numbers.

#4 Prepare for Potential Retaliation

Take any action you take is very likely that you may find yourself on the wrong end of the deal.  It’s likely your boss didn’t get to be the boss by accident.  Now you’ve let the light of day in on their lies.  I’d expect the boss to retaliate.  This is not just in the movies.  The boss will make up another lie or two or three and there goes your promotion, your raise the list goes on.  Or one or two big lies and your out the door.  Rember they may will be a liar in a cult of liars but they’re still the boss. 

I leave you with this.  I am sorry working with scoundrels is not easy.  There is no easy fix, leopards don’t change their stripes.  I use a 5 Star Five Subject college ruled notebook.  I buy them 3 or 4 at a time when they go on sale at the office supply store around back to school.  Be patient, make your book your superpower. 

Bill